I thought a lot by lying on my favorite couch and eating my finger nails. After many hours of thinking I still could not find any answer to my question. I felt very disgusted, frustrated and chocked from inside.I did not meet anyone because i did not want to spread my sadness to others. I just thought, thought and thought.....
Then I realized few things, that I am not happy with my life. I am not happy with whatever things I have. I complain so many things that I don't have. But I never valued those things which are there in life. When I wake up in the morning, I feel empty, lonely but I never thank God for giving me another beautiful day. I never thank him for giving me a very lovely family and few supportive friends.
I complain him why aren't they with me?! But I never thank him they are all hearty and healthy and I can talk to them everyday.
So basically I realized cause of my depression is that, I am not happy with what I have. I then decided to step out of my life and put myself in someone's place. I tried to view my life from other's eye and I really did. I realized, I have a lot to be happy. I have some things which many other people don't have. It's true that when we get something, we definitely miss some other things. But I can definitely find happiness with what I am getting.
Oh Yes, I can't hug my parents, friends whenever I am sad, lonely but I can definitely call them and talk. If I choose to be with them, I can not go with my dreams. So I have to choose either them or my dreams. Now the things come which is my priority and what I want to do in life. Well I definitely want to stay close to my loved ones but I want to do something in my life. And to do something, to make something, I am here.
May be my priorities will change after few years. But for now, I decided to stop complaining with whatever I dont have and be happy with what I have. Because after all it was all my decision.
Nice thoughts. I think those lonely times should be used to introspect and fish out our true thoughts which most of the time remain subdued. I do that at times...:) It's good that you have realized at one point of time it becomes necessary to break away from home in order to "do something". Hang in there...
ReplyDeleteyess! :)
DeleteThank you very much for your wonderful thoughts. It is very useful to realize that we all have a lot to be thankful for.
ReplyDeleteYes when i woke up in the morning, I asked a friend of mine - why should I wake up? He replied -"every single breath is a gift for us, so now be grateful and wake up". So yes, we have a lot to be thankful for.
ReplyDelete