Reunion

Saturday Morning, 9 am,Washington DC

Radha's phone rang. It was an unknown number from North Carolina. Radha was unsure whether to take the call as she seldom takes up any call from unknown numbers. After the 3rd ring

she responded: Hello.

The person on the other side replied: Hey, How are you? I am Pramila, remember me?

Suddenly, a number of memories came gushing into Radha's mind. Pramila, her childhood friend, and they studied together for 14 years.

Radha Replied: Of course I do! How can I forget you? How are you? Where are you? What are you doing here?

She was so excited that she forgot she asked all the questions at a time.

Pramila replied: Slowly, my dear. I will answer all your questions. Are you free for tea at evening?

Radha: Why are you asking? I am always free. Tell me just where and when.

Pramila: 5 pm, your place. Just text me the address.

Radha: I will.See you dear.

Whole day passed with bouts of nostalgia. She remembered the first time she saw Pramila. She was wearing a blue frock with a white shirt inside. She came with a bag and sat next to her. They both smiled at each other and sat quietly. Teacher came and told about the routines and class schedule and the roll numbers. She also told students to sit according to their roll numbers. Radha and Pramila both found out that their roll numbers are adjacent. So they ended up sitting next to each other.

During the lunch break, Radha said -"My Name is Radha. What is your name?"

Pramila: I am Pramila.

Then 14 years passed just like that. They were always the best of friends. They shared every single food they used to bring, spent many nights before the exam studying together, they went to see the local fair together, ate ice cream from a street vendor, got drenched in the rain, got scolded by parents. Their lives were tied with an invisible string, and they basked in this togetherness.

They used to fight and then stopped talking for days. After few days they  hugged each other and sorted every difference.

Then after graduating from the high school, Radha decided to study engineering and went to the best technical academy. Pramila, on the other hand, wanted to study general science and take up a job after graduation. She needed to work to take care of the family.

Radha graduated with excellent marks and came to USA for her higher studies. She went to Harvard University and pursued her Ph.D. She now works for the White House. When they separated they promised each other to write mails or call at least once a day. They did it initially but then both got busy with their work. Radha got engrossed in her studies and Pramila got busy in her job.

 The sound from the electric Kettle interrupted Radha's thoughts. Water is ready for tea. She took out the tea set from the closet and put some tea bags in pot. She poured the hot water and kept some cookies and home-made cup cakes. The doorbell rang, she opened the door. She found Pramila standing...her smile was still the same, but time took its toll on her. She looked a bit aged.

Pramila: You did not change a bit. You still look gorgeous!

Radha: And you look a bit matured.

Then they hugged each other. Pramila entered Radha's one bedroom DC apartment.

Pramila:Wow! you decorated it so well.

Radha: I love warm and cozy homes. So whats up? Whats going on ?

Pramila: Well. As you know I graduated with Bachelors of Science, and got a job there. I am at NC for some office project for 6 months. I will be back in 2 weeks. So thought of traveling and seeing America before I leave.I was visiting NY and DC. Tonight I will be back to NC.

Radha become sad. She said: You are here for just a few hours?

Pramila said -"Next time I will stay longer".

They started gossiping about their childhood over cups of tea.

Pramila: Hey do you remember Albert Sir?

Radha: Yes, how is he? Have you met him? I have not seen him for ages?

Pramila : Yes, he just retired last summer. He is doing some gardening and enjoying this phase of life.

Radha -How about our classmate Avik? Do you remember we both had crush on him? Did he get married?

Pramila: Ah! his kid is going to school these days. He got married to a girl from his theatre group.

Radha: What?? time passes so fast!

Pramila: Do you remember that field next to our school where we used to play?

Radha: Oh yes! What about that?

Pramila: It's not there anymore, they are constructing an extension of our school there.

Radha: Wow! But I think that the students will miss the playground.

Pramila looked into a picture of Radha and her parents on the wall.

Pramila -When did uncle and aunty visited?

Radha -Last summer.

Pramila - They must be missing you a lot there! why don't you bring them here? They are getting old - you should not leave them alone.

Radha -(sigh). I don't know dear. I wish I could answer. So you are still single or seeing someone?

Pramila -Do you think anyone will accept me? I am not as good looking as you.

Radha - You are always gorgeous. You have again started talking bad.

Pramila - Oh dear, I was just joking. What about you?

Radha - I don't know. I just dont want to settle right now. Maybe sometime later but not now...

............

Both did not realize that it was already nine, and they finished a whole pot of tea.

Pramila : I gotta leave now dear. But I promise, I will come one day and stay with you.

Radha: Can I drop you at the airport ?

Pramila : It's so hard to say bye. Let's not do that. I promise I will be back soon

Radha hugged her, her eyes were moist.

She waved her hand, while Pramila got into the cab....


(Special Thanks to Abhishek Sengupta)

Yes I can code too!

I heard these things million of times from many people. I forgot many incidents but few things I remembered because it was quite shocking.

First time when I was doing my bachelors in Computer Science and Engineering, a friend of  my cousin wrote me  -"Are u seriously doing bachelors in CSE?"

I said -"Yes, why?"

He replied -"Generally good looking girls are good for marriage and family. Why are you wasting your time for studies?".

I replied - " :) Thanks for saying me I am good looking. But one day you will get your answer."

(He graduated from a top university of India and now studying at Oregon State University)

Second time, I heard it from my TA at University at Buffalo at 5 pm, Research Lab of my TA.

TA-"Why are you studying here?"

Me -"Because I want to do something on my own. I want to code and work here."

TA -"Don't you think you should get married, cook for your husband and decorate your home?"

(That TA graduated from top school in his country and was doing PhD)

[Yes I cook and I love to cook. Is someone, who loves to cook or decorate home can't be a coder? ]

Third time a shocking thing I heard from a interviewer.

Interviewer -"you are glamorous. But it is a IT industry, we can't use your glamour."

I replied -"I am here to code not to market your product".

Why people think, if you are dressed up you cant code. Why do i have to wear a t-shirt and jeans to code something? If I wear my mascara will my brain stop working? 

I know some geeks wear t-shirts and jeans. But why do I need to wear a old faded t-shirt and flipflop to show myself as a coder? I can code in JSTL by wearing a blazer - can't i?

People(and trust me they are educated people) have a very common stereotypic idea about woman. They think a woman can't be a good coder if she dresses up and wears makeup. They also think, you should wear some thick spectacles and code with a hamburger on your desk to get some REAL job done. 

There are few girl friends of mine, who are very successful in their world. Yes they wear make up, they manicure their nails but they are more successful many guys. I see people discuss about a girl's makeup more than her success and achievement. 

Why? Guys - please change your mind and embrace that a well groomed girl can be as successful as you.

Girls, don't think about what world thinks about you. Do whatever you want and feel free to do so. At the end of the day what matters is your work not what other people think.

Internet Free Weekend - IMPOSSIBLE

I feel like I am too attached to the internet. So I decided to spend a weekend without internet. That means - no facebook, no email, no tweets, no pinning, no imessage, no whatsapp, no ims, no netflix, no spotify and a big list(let cut that short now).

8 am - Checked the phone and found no texts or whatsapp on the screen. My phone is in Airplane mode. So went back to sleep.
9:30 am - Too Bored!! Woke up to read some news on phone. Snap!!! I don't have internet on phone! I cant read news.
9:35 am - Let watch startrek on netflix! Wait! I don't have internet.
10:00 am - Got so bored and finally left the bed. Went to kitchen to make some easy breakfast.
10:30 am - Back to couch after finishing the breakfast.
10:35 am - Calling Mommy! Conversation started.
 ............Long conversation, I have whole day to spend, so i can spend more time on call ................
11:15 am- Apartment Cleaning(Dusting, Mopping and Vacuuming) Start
12:45 pm - Now apartment is clean, time to make some lunch.
2:00 pm - Lunch is done!! Now time for nap.
3:00 pm - Let listen to some relaxing music when I do my manicure. Oh Geez, my music is on spotify.
3:30 pm - Uhm what to do!
3:35 pm - I am so bored! Let read a book. Started reading a book (hard to find any book because most of books are on ibooks). So got a book out of the shelf, which I dusted in the morning.
6:00 pm - Cooking dinner. Oh NO! My recipe is at gmail.
Let cook something simple with less spices.
7:30 pm - dinner is
done and back to book.
9:30 pm - time for some herbal tea
10:30 pm - The day is so long!!! (Thinking) - I have another day to spend
10:45 pm - (Realization) I can't do a internet free weekend. Forget it.
11:00 pm - Switched iphone, ipad back to normal mode.
11:02 pm - Watching netflix !!! Ah - i love you internet

I work for a web industry where we strive to make internet beautiful. But sometimes we forget that how important is internet in our daily life. So, my friends -
Can you spend your entire two days without internet? I can't - but how about you? and if yes how will you spend the day?

A Girl in a new Country!

A girl was living in the castle. She had everything she needed inside that castle. She had lot of domestic helps to do the chores. If she needed to go out she has her dad/mom to go with her. Sounds like fairy tale?

No it was my life. I was that girl. My dad used to drop me off at my school or wherever I needed to go. My mom always accompanied me for shopping, movies and even dates ;) ( Yes you heard me Dates. I never went to meet anyone without my mom). I was completely dependent on my mom, dad and lot of other helps.

When I moved here to states in 2010, I faced a brutal reality. Everything is DIY - DO IT YOURSELF! I learnt how to get onions from store, peel potatoes, and yes cook your meal. But then I thought of enjoying this and making it as a hobby. And Yes, Now I can cook 3 course meal for dinner and I enjoy every single seconds I cook. When I make my panini, I put the layer of my happiness on that bread - No wonder thats why I enjoy that.

I never met any people outside of the the place I born. I only know how to speak english and bengali. But here I made friends from different parts of India(who does not speak bengali), Turkey, USA, Pakistan, Germany, China(And yes some of them are my closest friends - with whom I can share anything). I take the qualities, mannerism and opinions that define these different people. I want to evolve, change something and put myself in CHALLENGING situation so that I can start something new.

The most significant thing happened to me is - The Independent Me. It is helping me a lot to organize my life. I do my laundry, assemble my furniture, find my new home, organize expenses! It was very hard at  beginning, because any change is hard! But it helped me to appreciate the things I have, value every single thing at my life.

I realized that no matter, wherever I live I'll be an ex-pat. Living in a new country is definitely thrilling, scary but it showed me what I can become - on my own terms. I am curious and excited to know what tomorrow is bringing for me. I am always thrilled to explore a new place, learn something new about the culture, people, food. I started learning from GROUND ZERO like  a child, started to build and re-build everything. Learning how to live a life is no way different than a child's learning to alphabets.

Staying alone made me talk to myself. What do I want from my life? What I am doing here? I asked these questions myself and answered myself. Walking alone on the streets, eating dinner alone gave me lot of time to think about myself -what I want to do in my life. I have that confidence in me that I can go anywhere in the world I love and start all over again. I can face whatever it comes to my life- I am capable of taking that leap and landing softly.

Just advice to all people who are going to a new country to start their life, don't be scared of the small things at the beginning. Think about learning swimming, how we always had fear of drowning at the first. But once we learn how to float, we sail so smoothly! :)

Happy and Single!

For last couple of months I got asked these questions repeatedly -

• 'When are you getting married?'
• 'Why are you still single?'
• 'How come no one has taken you so far?'

Sometimes I get amused. Sometimes just speechless. 

I remember when I was college, people used to ask me -'when are you going to get job?'. Now people ask me -'when are you going to get married?'. I am sure some folks ask married people -'When are you going to have kids?'

Truly speaking, I think its everyone's personal preference. They can get kids whenever they want, not to shut someone up. I can get married whenever I want. If I chose to be happy and single(YES I SAID HAPPY AND SINGLE), that's my personal preference.

Why people think that a person is only happy when she/he is married to person. I am sure married people have some problems in their life(With due respect to all my married friends). Why do I need a partner to go to vacation? 

I love cleaning my house, painting my toe nails, putting my apartment pictures on pinterest. Is this SO BAD? Honestly I own some things which I am not ASHAMED of that. I am happy being Dolphia. I watch the big bang theory while having ice cream at my couch. I read the all NYTIMES bestseller fiction books. I go to check new places in weekend, cooking delicious meals for myself. I am asking-'AM I TOO SAD?'

So-should I just get married to answer your question? I really wonder do they don't have any better things to do in life? 

I know, I am a woman and a biological clock is always ticking. I am 28 now and if I dont get married now, I wont have kids. And as I'll get older it will be more complicated. So the clock is ticking. Screw the clock! I can find someone when I am 45 and I can spend my rest of the life with him. We can have(adopt) kids if we want. It will be our choice, not you or someone else is gonna tell me what to do...

So, what I want to say - it's everyone personal choice what they want to do in their life. We have no right to ask them 'Why, how, when!'. 

B +

Too many sad posts!!! Life is not that bad ...
Someone said me to write posts about positive side of life. So here is a blog post about being positive towards life. I am sure everyone can relate himself/herself to any of the
'I'.

One:
I encounter so much difficulties everyday. Like - waking up in the morning, preparing breakfast, feeding baby, running to office, work whole day, coming back home, cooking, cleaning.. blah blah (endless list).
But if I think, Wao! I have so much to do in a day. I am not sitting idle, I am not paralyzed. I have challenges but who does not love challenges. I will face challenge with a smiling face and enjoy the moment whatever it is. I will enjoy the work and make the most out of it.

Two:
Oh Snap! I lost my job, what ll I do now? Life is so hard and unfair to me! Why????
Let think in different way? I have some free time for me. I can learn new things, which I always wanted to learn in my last job but I could not. I can apply for new jobs, I can get better than last one. They(my last job) did not like me, so what?! I did not like them either. But the technology I will learn in this time will help me always in my life.
Tough time but enjoyable isn't?! ;)

Three:
I don't have $1,00,000 in my bank. I can't go to spa every week, I cant make luxurious vacation, I can't buy diamond rings, I don't have mercedes or bmw. My friend rides bmw, she has a high carat diamond ring. Life is so good with them not with me.
Really? Well I have some time for my family. I have time for myself which she/he craves for.
She/he definitely travels in first class but does she/he has peace of mind when she/he sleeps?
 I probably don't have a condo apartment but I can make my rented apartment my nest. I wont have to think about paying high loan amount.
I travel in bus, so what? I enjoy that one hour ride to my work. I can read some books while traveling while other wipe their sweat in traffic jam.
Isn't my life good?

Four:
I just had a break up with my boy or girl friend / husband or wife. I have no one to love, to care. For whom I will go back home? For whom I will cook food. I am so alone. I have no one in the whole world....
Thats not the case at all :)
I have a great family, awesome friends, my colleagues. I am so valuable to my company. Why should I be sad for someone who did not care for me? Was he/she worth more than my life, my close pals? When he/she was here, thats great, but my life can be much better without her/him.
I don't have to waste any time for someone else. I don't have to bear his/her cranky habits. I don't have to adjust my time according to someone else.
I can invest all of my time for self improvement. I can pamper myself, I can go for walk late night, I can drive somewhere wherever I want. I can drink until I fall down.
Life was good with partner but without him/her I can make it BETTER!

Five
I hate my job. My boss pisses me off. My colleague gossip about me. I have too much deadline. Argh!! I can't deal with my life. Its so hard for me.
Wait a sec honey! Really? Your boss shouts at you because he /she wants more from you. He/She believes in you more than you do yourself. That's why you assign you heavy task. Isn't it right to make him/her not let down? You are in this position because they thought you would be able to deal this much pressure. They believed in you! Now pay them back and say - 'You did not make any mistake by hiring me.'
Colleagues talk about me behind my back. Let them talk :) They cant come and say on your face. So let them bark.

To all my friends - LIFE IS INDEED GREAT. GOD MADE IT REALLY GREAT. ENJOY THE LIFE FULLEST. NO COMPROMISE :)

A friend in need is a friend indeed

A sudden incident provoked me to write this blog post. Most of the things are related to real life.

There are two friends and they were very good friends. One friend(Friend A) was dying to do anything for other friend(Friend B). Everything was so much perfect in their friendship. They were hanging out together, working for project together.
Then suddenly, Friend B got sick and asked for help. Friend A left all his work and jumped to help the friend in trouble, took him to doctor, got medicine took care. After few days of care and medicine, Friend B got better. He started working. Both were working and were good friends.
Then Friend A got sick and called Friend B for help. He kept calling, cal

ling and calling. No response. But by god's grace he was able to manage himself. Next day
Friend B replied - 'Why were you calling me so much? Don't you know I am working?'
Friend A said - 'I was sick. So I called you'.
Friend B replied -' So what? I am not doctor? You should call a doctor and go there rather than calling me. Stupid people'. And hung up
Friend A learnt a lesion.

Well this story is not at all related to any particular person.

But if we see in our close circle, we will see several people who are in this way. They pretend to be our friends when they need us. But when we need them or when danger comes, they show their real face. But do we stop making friends after realizing this? No. Because that's life. We make mistakes and we learn from it. If we dont learn from it and keep making mistake then no one can help us.

So just a friendly advice - make friends but know your friend as well ;)

Searching...

For last couple of days a question is lingering into mind  - 'whats the purpose of my life? what I am doing here? Why I am living my life'.

I thought a lot by lying on my favorite couch and eating my finger nails. After many hours of thinking I still could not find any answer to my question. I felt very disgusted, frustrated and chocked from inside.
I did not meet anyone because i did not want to spread my sadness to others. I just thought, thought and thought.....

Then I realized few things, that I am not happy with my life. I am not happy with whatever things I have. I complain so many things that I don't have. But I never valued those things which are there in life. When I wake up in the morning, I feel empty, lonely but I never thank God for giving me another beautiful day. I never thank him for giving me a very lovely family and few supportive friends.
I complain him why aren't they with me?! But I never thank him they are all hearty and healthy and I can talk to them everyday.

So basically I realized cause of my depression is that, I am not happy with what I have. I then decided to step out of my life and put myself in someone's place. I tried to view my life from other's eye and I really did. I realized, I have a lot to be happy. I have some things which many other people don't have. It's true that when we get something, we definitely miss some other things. But I can definitely find happiness with what I am getting.

Oh Yes, I can't hug my parents, friends whenever I am sad, lonely but I can definitely call them and talk. If I choose to be with them, I can not go with my dreams. So I have to choose either them or my dreams. Now the things come which is my priority and what I want to do in life. Well I definitely want to stay close to my loved ones but I want to do something in my life. And to do something, to make something, I am here.

May be my priorities will change after few years. But for now, I decided to stop complaining with whatever I dont have and be happy with what I have. Because after all it was all my decision.

Worry Free Life? Myth or Reality

When we wake up in the morning - we worry about things so much.  Like- If I don't do this task, what will happen to my career!  If I don't get job in a city where my friends are going , whats gonna happen!
How will I move my stuff!! and blah blah
Blah blah is a unending list. It never get finished. If one tension is gone we see another tension is coming.
Is it ever possible to have a worry free life!? I think the answer is "No-ish Yes.!'

Why??
Because even if we worry so much the things are not gonna happen the way we want always. Sometimes things work in completely different way. Then we start cursing the supreme authority - 'God Why me! Why I am facing all these'.

In most of the religious books, Gita, Qouran and Bible, its said that - 'keep doing your work! God is there to help you'. Even if we think so much we can't change the future. It will happen the way it is intended to be. Then why do we think so much about the future?!

May be thats our human nature?! But I think if we keep doing our work and if we put the effort in good way, things will start working it is supposed to be. Its better not to occupy the mind with all tensions and worries, rather free from all worries and START WORKING!

Because, if we lie down on our couch whole day and think - 'whats gonna happen in my future?' ... Actually nothing is gonna happen. Its much better to shred that away and keep working. At least we are putting the effort to change the future!

So folks! STOP WORRYING AND START DOING!

What say?

Comfort Zone

Comfort Zone!
When I moved from India to New York, I was so scared. I even told my mom at JFK airport that - 'Mommy, let go back to India'. Mom smiled and said- ' Okay! I am returning in a month, if you want you can come with me. But try one month'.
After a month when she was leaving, she asked me -'Do you want to go?'. I smiled and said - 'NO!'

Why this thing happened?
I was always under my parents supervision and in a secured comfort zone in India. Whatever I wanted I got in hands without doing anything(As we have lot of servants!). When I came to USA, I realized that I wont have them to get small things. But I took a challenge. Honestly saying I enjoyed  when I started doing grocery for myself. Whenever I needed something to buy, I had to run to store. No one was there to get me those things. But I loved it.

When I was in India, I used to think day and night - how will i tie my hair without mommy! Now I do my perfect make up without her. I never entered kitchen in my life before coming here except few occasions where i had 2 assistants. Here I started to learn cooking and now cooking is my hobby. I try the most difficult dishes of chefs', I follow food network, read food magazine!

Basically our heart(mind) is very weak. It always tell you that if you take this risk, some good might happen but some bad might happen too. I am not saying all good things happened to me after coming here. In fact many bad things happened more than good things, but my life never stopped. I learnt the mistakes and rectified myself.

Similarly when I woke up today I felt like, if I am leaving Buffalo, I wont have that comfort zone. Here I know where is Target or Macy's. I know my friends are there for me if i want to go out for ice cream at 3 am. I wont have them in a new city. But then I realized, when I came here did I know where is Walmart? Answer is NO, but I learnt by google map. Were these friends here when I landed? Answer is NO. I made them eventually in 3 years. Similarly I will make new friends in new city, I ll learn where is target or a farmer's market.

Anything new is difficult at first but it gives a thrilling experience. It tells you explore more and thats the adventure of life. Once this adventure is gone life become so monotonous. So I said myself- whatever the change is coming I am gonna smile and accept that. I ll take the challenge whatever it is(good or bad)....I wont attach myself so much to any comfort zone and become more confident to come out of it!

After all I am 2013 girl ;)

Monday Morning Blue

:'( Monday Morning. My face is always like this whenever I wake up on Monday. Another week, new challenges, load of work.

This Monday when I looked into the clock at 6:45 I said myself I can sleep another 15 minutes. And that 15 minutes ended up in 7:30 when I finally woke up. Then I remember! Damn! It's monday.
Opened my phone to check email and saw bunch of work emails. So jumped out of the bed from quilt. And rushed to bathroom. I got ready and drove to work.

Opened my work laptop and started replying emails which was pending from weekend. Phone started ringing and co-workers started pinging on skype.

Meeting...Phone...email....day passed like a blink of eye. When I checked the clock it was 12:30. I forgot my breakfast and lunch .... and another meeting is scheduled at 12:30. Ran to office kitchen to get some nuts and water.

And meeting lasted about an hour. So no lunch and no breakfast. New set of task came, phone was ringing and few meetings and finally now I checked time. It's 4:00 PM.
WHEW!! My day is almost over..Now I have sharp headache, feeling hungry but not feel like eating anything.

When all work got done I finally reached my home at 6:00 PM with strong headache and hunger. Made some quick dinner and filled myself. But started feeling immense tired.

I think it's my mistake to make this 1st day of the week  miserable. I should have taken some fruits, nuts, meal packed with me, which I planned. But thanks to my laziness on sunday evening, i forgot to pack them and said myself-"Dude, let do it tomorrow"...And that thing never happens in morning. As usual I forgot to bring my food and ended up taking Excerdin Extra Strength Pain Reliever.

I wish I had planned my day accordingly. I wish I did time management. Then I wont end up wasting my evening lying on couch.

In our daily routine, if we do little time management, little planning, our day would be much better.. Despite knowing the truth why don't we DO???

TGIF

Thank god it's friday. When I woke up today morning at 8 am, I told myself - "Ah, it's friday". Whenever this day comes in week, I feel extreme happy.
Then I drove to my job where I found that my boss is not in today. Sheer Happiness ☺

Then I jumped into kitchen and took a big mug of hot chocolate. Today is the day when I can do whatever I like and love.

I cooked a delicious chicken dish called Chicken Tava (It's a turkish dish with lot of red pepper paste). Whenever I make this dish, it tastes heavenly and I feel that I am a super chef ;). So my friday dinner was Chicken Tava and Pilaf. Complete Mediterranean style.

Then I needed to take a long shower to shoo away all my frustration which I accumulated in whole week so that I can jump start my weekend. In bathroom , I filled up my tank with warm water and shampoo, lit the candles, started the music from Spotify ( Did I tell you that I just love spotify). I wanted to be there until I feel I am feeling awesome. When I felt super good, I stepped my feet outside

After delicious food and hot shower, it's time to relax. I jumped into my couch with a book which I recently bought from Amazon(Fifty Shades of Grey) with plush throw on me and started sipping Decaf Chai.

This is my style of enjoying the friday. Many will say that why I am not going to club or enjoying time with friends!!!  Well I could surely meet my friends for tea/ coffee (FYI: I am not pub/ club person)...But I decided to spend this evening and day totally with me. I closed all electronic devices (Airplane Mode) after 9:00. It's a day to refresh myself after such a long and tiring week.

Share here your friday plan ;)